When you dig and dig some more to find out why something bothers you so much, it hurts.
When you discover, or at least you think you have discovered, the real reason why something bothers you so much, it hurts.
When you figure out that the real reason why something bothers you so much has to do with your your egoistic preference, it hurts.
When you understand that your egoistic preference is nothing but your unwillingness to accept what is happening in the present, it hurts.
When you accept that you are unwilling to accept the present moment because you fail to surrender to the deeper wisdom that is guiding your life’s journey through all the veils of ignorance, it hurts.
When you realize that you are unable to surrender to the deeper wisdom because you lack faith and trust in the Divine’s Plan for you, it hurts.
It hurts because you now see clearly the working of the ego which kept you deluded as to how much faith and trust you had in the Divine and Its Working.
It hurts because this is not the first time you had this experience.
It hurts because you know you could have, you should have learnt your lesson by now.
It hurts because you know there is no other lesson more important if you want to make even tiniest progress.
It hurts because you know that there is a better way to go through all that you are going through at the moment.
It hurts because deep inside you know the better way.
It hurts because you know you are not trying hard enough to follow that better way.
The only way it will begin to hurt less would be when you slowly build upon that faith that is faltering, when you slowly work on the trust which once gave you strength.
The only way it will begin to hurt less would be when you rekindle that flame of aspiration which alone will make you fit to receive the Grace and the Strength you need to truly surrender.
The only way it will begin to hurt less would be when you make an effort.
Because nothing worthwhile comes free. Certainly developing the right attitude in life comes only when you pay upfront — when you give up your pride, your egoistic mental/vital preference, your know-it-all ignorance, your will that life should go your way. Such a surrender isn’t easy. But nothing that is worth doing is ever easy, isn’t that so?
So while the process of getting rid of all that comes in the way of surrendering may hurt, know that the hurt is only there on the surface ego-self. Deep inside there is always the real you, which is being slowly prepared and is fully protected by the soothing presence of the Mother’s Grace and Love, which alone will keep you safe along the path.
Also know that what is outside is a projection of what is inside. So as long as the inner you hasn’t acquired all the equanimity, calmness, trust and faith that are necessary for a true surrender, the outer you will require repeated lessons, regular training and recurring life-situations to actually practice what you thought you knew in theory.
So stop feeling hurt! Stop feeling angry. Get rid of the self-pity. And most importantly — and it is worth repeating — let go of the hurt. Get up and light that fire once again, the fire of aspiration. Aspire for that Will-force you need to keep the flame of aspiration burning high and strong, pray for the Grace and Protection to keep you safe as walk through the net-practice sessions of Life. And learn, once more, to let go. And then let go some more. And some more.
And above all, don’t forget to call Her. Because She alone is the Light you need to let go of the darkness — darkness of anger, of self-pity, of feeling hurt.
“When you feel unhappy like that, it means that you have a progress to make. You can say that we always need to progress, it is true. But at times our nature gives its consent to the needed change and then everything goes smoothly, even happily. On the contrary sometimes the part that has to progress refuses to move and clings to its old habits through inertia, ignorance, attachment or desire. Then, under the pressure of the perfecting force, the struggle starts translating itself into unhappiness or revolt or both together.
“The only remedy is to keep quiet, look within oneself honestly to find out what is wrong and set to work courageously to put it right.
“The Divine Consciousness will always be there to help you if your endeavour is sincere; and the more sincere your endeavour the more the Divine Consciousness will help and assist you.” (CWM 14: 246)