Inner View · Personal reflections · Spirituality beyond Religion · Words of The Mother and Sri Aurobindo

And So I Wait…





I have nothing to write today. Actually, it has been days since I have written anything. I mean anything that means something. I mean, that which really means something to me, first of all. Yes I have written a few things on the net here and there, a comment on someone’s blog or an article, or a message or two on some online group. But that doesn’t really count as writing. Not to me, at least. It is just a fleeting thought, mostly arising in the form of a reaction or response to something being discussed or written by another person.

I haven’t written anything on a specific topic of my choosing. 

Actually, that’s not true.

In the past few weeks I did complete an earlier draft of mine on a topic that continues to be of interest to me. And I also worked quite a bit on two other drafts that I am co-authoring with my husband. So it is not that I haven’t been involved with the work of writing.

But still. Something is missing.

I haven’t written something that has given me a real joyful experience. 

What kind of joyful experience, you ask?

I am not speaking of a fleeting moment of happiness that comes from a sense of accomplishing something, e.g. finishing a blogpost or an article. Nor am I speaking of a kind of ‘release’ that a writer may experience having expressed something through words – an experience, observation, thought, feeling, or if really fortunate, an insight. 

That isn’t joy. At least not the kind I am thinking of today.

Joy is something else. It is a much deeper experience. In essence, it is an experience that doesn’t always need something to be its cause. It just is. Or it just isn’t. 

Writing, therefore, can’t really be a means to ‘feel’ the joy. And yet it can be. 

It can be when it is done in a state of joy. Joy is an inner state of calm readiness. Readiness to be inspired by, to be led by something higher. Something deeper. Something beyond the tangible, physical, visible reality. 


Sri Aurobindo: It is the joy of creation partly, partly the joy or “enthousiasmos“, the sense of exaltation and Ananda which always comes when one is freely and powerfully used by a greater Force. 

Q: Does this spontaneous, automatic inpouring depend on some inner state?

Sri Aurobindo: It does not depend on any inner spiritual state, but on an opening to some supraphysical plane of inspiration. (Letters on Poetry and Art, CWSA, Vol. 27, p. 588)

Writing when done in this joyous state of readiness and opening can become a way to enhance the experience of joy. Joy builds upon joy. 

But I haven’t had that experience lately. I haven’t felt the joy of creation, the joy of opening to some higher inspiration. 

Joy comes when you take the right attitude. (The Mother, CWM, Vol. 14, p. 182)

What is this right attitude? How do I get it? Can it be attained once and for all? Or is it something I have to constantly work toward?

Joy belongs to the desireless man.(CWM, Vol. 16, p. 296)

So it is almost like a spiritual practice, isn’t it? Only when desire is gone, joy begins. Real joy. Right attitude begins to happen when desire begins to take a backseat.

Desire for what? That’s a question to ask, isn’t it? Your answer is as good as mine. But your answer will also be different from mine. It is an individual quest. Quest for joy. 

There is a joy in seeking, a joy in waiting, a joy in aspiring, at least as great as in possessing. (ibid., p. 172)

A joy in seeking, a joy in aspiring, a joy in waiting…

Impatience does not help—intensity of aspiration does. (Sri Aurobindo, CWSA, Vol. 27, p. 12)

And so I wait. I seek. I aspire to be open to the inspiration which will give me a taste of the joy I seek. Joy of creation. Joy of being desireless.

What you have to learn is the art of allowing things to come through and recognising among them the one right thing—which is very much what you have to do in Yoga also. It is really this recognition that is the one important need—once you have that, things become much easier. (p. 12)

Sounds like writing can be yoga in itself. Or maybe it already is. For some, at least.

The use of your writing is to keep you in touch with the inner source of inspiration and intuition, so as to wear thin the crude external crust in the consciousness and encourage the growth of the inner being. (p. 718)


30 thoughts on “And So I Wait…

  1. Being creative is joyous in itself. I think more so, when we are creating for ourselves — for the love of writing or drawing or creating. We let go off desires or judgements from others and just continue creating. That is pure joy.

    1. Thanks Sanch for reading and sharing your perspective on this. Much appreciated.

      I just wish that letting go of desires was that easy…perhaps in a moment of creative inspiration when we are fully involved with the creative work, and like you say if we are only doing something for ourselves, we can let go. But most of the time, if we are fully aware of the movements within our conscious parts we know that most of our choices (even of the topics we want to write about) are led by some kind of desire within. Desire to be read? Desire for fame? Desire for some kind of reward? Even the desire to express, release our emotions, vent out, rant against something…all these are in some way or another a type of desire. Some philosophers may say all action in a sense arises from some desire, and there is truth to that. And yet we must act, we must do things. So how to know which are good desires, which are not good? Or is there something like a good desire? All these questions crop up, in my mind at least. when I start analysing this topic of desire and creative work. So like I said in the post, for now I wish to simply wait, and make myself ready to experience joy in waiting 🙂

  2. I know the joy you speak of. It is a feeling like no other. So full, so replete. Something like feeling ‘pleasantly tired’… no? 🙂

    1. Hmm…’pleasantly tired’ – that’s a good analogy. Didn’t think about that until now. Perhaps there is something similar here. Perhaps there is also something different. I am not sure. And I don’t think my thinking through it will help 🙂 Because like you say, it is a feeling like no other. So it has to be felt, experienced.

      Just before I started replying to the comments, I was out in my garden for something and ended up gathering some flowers that had fallen on ground in last night’s rain. For a second there, I felt that those flowers were saying something, and a kind of quietness happened, just for a fraction of a second…but that moment was so fleeting, so gone the moment it happened…how to hold on to that feeling, that joy. Maybe there is a kind of joy that actually refreshes us, who knows…I don’t know…I think I am rambling here, so I better stop 🙂

      Thanks Dagny for giving me another image.

  3. I experience a feeling of hollowness when I am in my phases of non-writing. Everything around me seems dull and drab. And then when I get my drive back, life seems so much more vibrant. Strange relation we have with our passions that so strongly control our life and emotions. Beautiful explanations from great masters. I guess the joy of creation in whatever form is unparalled.

    1. Thank you, Kala for sharing your experience and perspective on this. I suppose we all go through these phases of introspection, no matter what kind of creative pursuit we may be interested in. Take care!

  4. To me writing is therapeutic. I just need to write on days to feel balanced. Sometimes l just write notes that l later erase. And to me it is joyful, strangely invigorating too.

    1. Yes, I agree writing can be healing and rejuvenating. Perhaps every creative pursuit has that quality.
      Thanks, Rachna for reading and for sharing your experience with writing.

  5. I get your point because I have read you for quite a while now. This is not what you write. This is not something that you wanted to write. I guess the muse means different to different people. For me, it is mostly memories. I just need to remember my childhood days and I can find joy in writing those experiences. But for someone who writes in as much depth as you, those scribbling might not mean anything at all. I wish your muse is back and you get to write on a subject of your choice and gain joy from it. Best wishes! 🙂

    1. Thank you, Rekha! Yes, we all are moved by different experiences and feelings/thoughts, especially when it comes to the need to express the essence of those through words. Reading your comment made me happy because it felt good to be understood 🙂 Appreciate your good wishes, thanks once again!

  6. The feeling of real joy is a real gift of life. We all have our ways to get connected with our inner self and lift our soul and experience that true joy within. Writing indeed is a wonderful means to reach that state but every writing and every time we write we may not reach that accomplished state, the state which can provides us that unbridled uncut gem of joy. Writing does many things, and along the process of writing we disconnect from the outside world and we connect with our self.

    It is a process of self discovery. It is therapeutic in nature. The process is such we detach from the tangible and materialistic attachment. The process is such we learn by unlearning so many things about ourselves. The process is such is provides that channel to let go things and get ourselves freed from the clutches of ego, letting go ego is challenge and once we learn the art of doing it, it becomes a habit and we can do so with ease using our writing exercise. Writing is a joy but that joy is subjective and for instance many of us just write for the joy of writing, as rightly analysed we don’t always derive that bliss just by being engaged with writing. It needs that extra effort, that change of track, that different approach, that perseverance to get where we want to go…as seeker, as creator, as discover we all want that path to true joy. Desires are big hurdles in that path, and we need to fight out and get the desires out of our way. Never easy.

    Writing is no less than yoga, perhaps it is that aspect of yoga that is what we call meditation. Many times we write and finish something but at the end we don’t get that joy and it appears something missing inspite of being creatively engaged and having invested time and efforts for creating something worthwhile. This post of yours has come straight from your heart and it has touched my heart and I love the purity of thoughts and the power behind that thoughts are there to be experienced and I am experiencing it. I have always loved the idea of “joy of doing something” and writing is something very close to my heart and I do experience that joy and as pointed out by you, there are occasions like the one you are currently facing is what I have been facing periodically and that’s where we seeker deeper meaning and the essence of life and living, is writing doing us that favor or are we overly depend on something that cannot gives us everything every time, it is the question that keeps us pondering and life is beautiful when we are lost in the quest for answers for eternal questions…

    Have a lovely weekend Beloo and keep sharing such profound thoughts, these are enlightening and enriching thoughts for our souls. I just loved it…

    1. Thank you so much for this wonderful, thoughtful comment, I especially appreciate hearing about your writing process and what it means to you as an inner growth practice. Appreciate your good wishes!

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